Nieuwsbrief 6

The Rise after the Fall.

Hello You.
Alright, so we are just before Christmas. What does it mean for you? Panic attacks, upcoming eating disorders or scheduling shrinks meetings for the next year?
For me Christmas means sleeping and trying to avoid family fights.
How do you look back to 2019?
I think 2019 was a shit year. But let’s start with the good news, about me.
The good news is that I am going to collaborate with a new fresh Comedy Club in the Hague, called: Comedy City. The owner is a comedian who was a finalist in ”The comedian of the world contest” in Los Angeles.
Since then his career went fast, and now he has his own Comedy Club in The Hague.
I have known this guy for a long time. Last week we met. I played in his club and after playing my set I explained what I was doing the last 4 years with my crowdfunding-project: selling tickets for my show and advertisement space on my flyer in change for a ”donation”, walking from shop to shop.
Then, he invited me to work for him. Not selling tickets now, but selling shows to bars, theaters, companies etc.  Also, I am allowed to play whenever I want. So I can book myself in, 5 times a week. So, here we go, I have made two big steps in one: I am going to extend my sales qualities and I will be playing at shows and clubs more than before.
So let’s go back to the year 2019. Why was it a shit year and what does that mean? First of all, on a higher spiritual level they don’t see things as ”shit”,  they only see ”challenges”. Perhaps things happen to get you on your knees, getting you back to your pain, in the way that you can grow. Without pain, there is no growth.

What I want to say is, never let your head hang low. Always aspire for more. Don’t be stopped by fear, anger, happenings, emotions. Just go on and on and on, until you have finally reached your goal. Never never never give up. If the goal has lead you to something or somewhere else, don’t change the goal but change the road. Or just have more discipline and work harder, perhaps that is the only thing you need to do.

For me the shit started in September 2018, after I did a training for success. I felt a difference in energy, and I couldn’t say ”no” to It. I couldn’t explain what was happening. I tried to surrender, but I couldn’t, because I was so happy with my own successful projects, I didn’t want to let that go. But in November I moved to another house. Life went totally different from then.
It was like a totally lost of grip on reality, and couldn’t hold on to the things I knew. I couldn’t sleep in that new house, so I thought there were ghosts or something. People who also lived in that house approached me in an aggressive manner and totally neglected who I really was. I felt miserable, a lot of anxiety.
Then I had this weird kind of ”love” in that house. It wasn’t really love, but perhaps more of an escape. I don’t know. It reminded me of being 18 and not being able to handle all hormones and feeling miserable with all the tensions and feelings there were. I felt the fear of rejection, big time. The lesson was: focus on what you really want in life. Nobody can get you off your path. No man can put you down.  No man can take your dream away. No man can take your pride away. No man can take your life away. Or maybe it was just: ”Don’t be distracted by sexyness”.
After so many struggles and distractions I concluded It was this weird kind of energy that suddenly came into my life that pushed me away, almost out of my house, out of my life, out of everything. Motherfuck, I thought. What was happening. I was so strong in entrepreneurial and sales, suddenly I got thrown out of my life in any field, I thought.

I started to hate that training for ”’success”’so much that I started to complain at the organization. I wrote things as ”You are a commercial bureacratic brainwash organisation that is more like a sect. You have screwed my life. You have entered my brain and you ruined everything. Get out of my brain!! I bought the wrong mindset! I want to have my old head back with my own authentic guidance system. Not yours!! Duhuh!!”
Before that training I really felt I was totally in control of my universe. Even the slightest negative thing that could happen, I was aware of and I would be ahead of to happen. I felt in contact with universal energies, with higher powers, in alignment with The Universe. Even though I could act crazy or look like an idiot, or still be very small and tiny on the world cup-ladder of being a giant rockstar, I was in contact. And that, people, only that can give you true powers. After this training I was afraid  it was gone.
I was literally  blaming them for everything that sucked and that happened, I even thought they were to blame the third world for all the poverty. I completed made a fool of my self. Then I realised It was not the training, it was the house. But even then I thought ”Even the ghosts are not to blame for all the negative things that happened”. Actually, I should not have blamed anything or anyone. The only responsible person in my life is me. And that also counts for you, you reader!  You are responsible for the things that happen to you. Don’t blame anything or anyone. Listening to your intuition would be one of these things. Perhaps I just made the wrong decision to move to this house. So this paragraph could be called: ”How do I listen to gut feelings and make the right decisions in life”. Or, perhaps this was the right decision, but I just had to learn how to stay strong, that I still don’t know much about The Universe and that I have to trust on my own true powers. Also, don’t trust on organizations, or spiritual groups where you think you belong to, you weak person, just trust on yourself!

Another example in that light was a psychopathic roommate who attacked me. It was a happening that I even couldn’t rely on my kung-fu classes I once took. In this case, only the highest of the highest truly helped. And that was using  the Kabbalah tools. Here we go again. Perhaps this is another example of not trusting thyself, but trusting something else. But maybe not.
I was convinced this mystical thing Kabbalah really helped at the point I couldn’t help myself. The Kabbalah is a mystical  wisdom, already existing for more than 2000 years.  I am not an expert on The Kabbalah, but I am learning of it. It feels like I can deal with energies better. I truly can say that the Kabbalah even works better than Kung Fu. Kung Fu is fysical. The Kabbalah comes from an upper world, higher powers that can truly stop violence or other negative emotions in a second because it comes from The mind and the uppersphere, not from the body and ego. You can call upon higher powers if you know how to do so, and only then without your ego. The Kabbalah is such a portal, i have learned.
Anyhow, what happened. Well, there was a roommate acting like a psychopath. Becoming angry about ovens that were not 100% clean. And one night he came towards me, and literally wanted to beat me up, because I just used the oven and because my pizza was not eaten yet completely, I didn’t clean the oven yet.  I could see he meant it, and I swear he was about to ruin my face. I did a Kabbalah tool meditation and the energy stopped. Literally, in front of my eyes, I saw the energy moving towards an upper sphere and the guy stopped running towards me and even said: ”I am sorry”. The energy shifted from violent and angry to peace and harmony in a second. It reminded me of a scene from ”The Matrix”, the makers of that movie are also Kabbalah students, where Neo is attacked, but can stop all the bullets in a nanosecond.
Perhaps there áre spiritual tools that really help you grow and help you trusting on yourself. Like the tools of The Kabbalah.

The good thing is that the Kabbalah is a non- profit organization and they literally don’t ask much for their classes. They are not out there to get your money. They are out there to change the world. (We hope).

While writing this newsletter i was reading a newsletter of someone else. He was talking about the difference between success coming from the dark side and succes coming from the Light. They both can look the same. But the first one is out of ego and will give a lot of worshipping of money and wealth in the start, but sorrow in the end. Success coming from the Light are the true desires ones can have and will give true prosperity from A till Z.  Lets just copy this text to end my lecture about trainings where you pay a lot for, which might not lead you to totally fulfilling success in the end versus success coming from The Light, which will be a true fulfillment.

So after all these talks about mindsets and spiritual tools, you might expect my shows will be more like spiritual gatherings where we drink tea and cuddle each other afterwards. No, i hate cuddling. There will be no cuddling and we certainly will not drink tea. We only drink beer with comedy, at the end.  My comedy will be also about toast with salmon, paperclips and horses. Or men. Just: men. Or politics (or the lack of interest in it), real-life issues and absurdistic point of views about all topics of the world. And offcourse spirituality and trying to rise in conciousness .So follow the upcoming shows on FB, my website, Twitter or Instagram and come to one of my shows. We will certainly have a beer and a good chat afterwards!! See you then (just push the social media buttons below for more information)


caroline • February 23, 2020

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